whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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