id be glad to
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
