This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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