Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
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we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
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Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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