My friends, they love my intelligence
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Randomize
