Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize