I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
