I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
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hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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