Where is the hickey?
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
