this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
