Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
