So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
