Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
