I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I checked into jail on foursquare
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So here I am, sexting at work.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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