I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
look no pants
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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