So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
