he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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