I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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