I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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