Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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