Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Randomize
