i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
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I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
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Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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