Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
