I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
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Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
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I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?