Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(973): View more from New Jersey

haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??

(630): View more from Illinois

savin' lives aint cheap

Fav 23 2051 911
share tweet
(203): View more from Connecticut

omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?

Fav 18 929 4246
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(630): View more from Illinois

When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.

Fav 16 9644 1487
share tweet
(310): View more from California

You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...

Fav 9 2361 6119
share tweet
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(905): View more from Ontario

She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris

Fav 43 9215 1580
share tweet
(479): View more from Arkansas

I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.

Fav 11 4202 1608
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(215): View more from Pennsylvania

I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.

Fav 9 4517 1206
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(410): View more from Maryland

my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.

Fav 1 792 580
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(585): View more from New York

Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.

Fav 3 1073 561
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT