she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
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You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
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He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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