Well douche your snatch and let's go!
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
