the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
