she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
farters have to be the big spoon...
23 People Reveal The Worst Culture Shock They’ve Ever Experienced While Traveling
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.