Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.