i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
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There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
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The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello