we have officially lost it.
Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
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just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
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I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.