Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
