I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
