We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
