doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
