Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
