Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
