I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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