It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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