See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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