You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
