Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
