smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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