Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
