Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
