I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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