Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
