i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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