then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
