do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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