i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
