here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
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It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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