The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
