He felt like a one man threesome
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
