why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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