well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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