Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
