I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
