I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
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