I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
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