Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
