Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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