I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
