oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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