i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
splinters make it hard to masturbate
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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