I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
