Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I just gift wrapped bread.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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